Friday, January 5, 2018

So Lucky

“How is this my life?“ This is a question I am erasing from my inner monologue.  I am replacing it with “I’m so lucky to have this life”.

It seems easy flights are a thing of the past for me and my family. Airlines claim to be accessible and able to handle my Power Chair, but it truly isn’t the case and every flight ends with more damage and more claims for Power Chair repairs. It can be very stressful and often times my kids end up in tears because they know how difficult life is without my Power Chair. But I remind them “Aren’t we lucky to be able to fly? Aren’t we lucky to be able to take this wonderful vacation together?”

A full day of travel means no restroom breaks for me. By the end of my last fight, as I was being transferred, my bladder just gave out and I tinkled through my pants.  As I sat on the plane next to my daughter I asked her if she could see it through my pants and she said “Yes...I’m sorry mom.”  I told her it isn’t the end of the world and I will never see these people again, so who cares.  Then, over text, my dear friend reminded me that poop is worse than pee. I chuckled aloud on the plane and was so thankful for the friends in my life who have embarrassingly pooped their pants in public and lived to tell their stories. I’m so lucky to have loving friends. 

Mornings here on this vacation in Montana can be chaotic with everyone running around finding their hats, gloves, snowboards, ski boots, etc.  I’m so lucky to be here to witness the chaos. 

I’m so lucky to be here to listen to their stories, for them to show me on the ski map which slopes they tackled today. I’m lucky to coordinate movie nights and to have introduced my children to the timeless humor of John Candy.

The condo is all one level, so I am able to go into my kids’ rooms.  I am so lucky to witness them sleeping and see their baby faces still hiding inside their big kid bodies; to be reminded of their innocence.

I’m lucky too for the quiet time I have alone in the condo. Physically I am unable to do much, but I have learned I have to accept that fact and move on.  So I have moved on to wonderful movies and TV series and podcasts and books. I just started reading Stephen King’s It, reaffirming what a gifted author he is!

But most of all, above everything and everyone else, I’m lucky to have my husband, Chris, willing to help me. It is NOT easy. But because of our dedication to this love we share, the friendship we’ve had since I was 15, we’re (sometimes barely) making it work. But even something that is “barely working” still works.  We can do this. We are both stubborn and dedicated, intelligent and strong.

I’m so lucky to have this life.