I'm living a life reduced. Not in every way, because I am still alive and breathing. But in so many ways. I'm typing this using only my left hand because my right hand is too weak to type. Those muscles and nerves don't listen to my brain anymore. I can no longer walk. I live on only the main floor of my home. All my needs are met on this level of the house. I can't, however get upstairs to my kids' bedrooms. There is a special bond that comes from being in your child's room, sitting on his or her bed, peeking in at their slumber. I miss that.
I'm unable to go down to our beautiful basement that we finished 5 years ago. I miss the quiet privacy of working in the gorgeous office down there. My office is now in my son's playroom.
I struggle getting on and off the toilet on my own. I haven't showered independently in over a year. I require help getting my legs up into bed. If I don't have someone help me get dressed, I can do it alone, but it will take 45 minutes. I don't prepare meals for my family. I don't do dishes, I don't do the laundry. Multiple Sclerosis has taken away the use of my legs and of my right arm and hand. There are so many things I don't do anymore.
But I'm still here. And there is much I am able to do. I'm emotionally available to my kids. I'm home 95% of the week. They are secure in the knowledge that when they're home, Mom's home. I do my job. I take care of accounts payable for three businesses and our home and run payroll for two businesses. MS hasn't affected my cognition, I'm still pretty bright. :)
My idea for a blog is to write about the accessibility of my town. Once I've taken the effort to get dressed, get in the car and drive somewhere (using hand controls), can I get in? That's one thing I plan to focus on with my writing. But... I've already discovered with this first entry that I'm also, apparently, using it as a place to show my reality. I'm guilty of hiding my truth behind a lot of smiles and "I'm ok"s. But here it is. Warts and all.
Wow! So proud of you, Alina! I love you, warts and all! You make my every day brighter. So glad to take this journey with you. Smooches!
ReplyDeleteAlina,
ReplyDeleteYou are strong woman for so many reasons - made even more beautiful by your truth and your ability to speak it like it is. I look forward to reading your blog and all you discover. My life is richer (and much, much more fun!!) because of your friendship.
I have known you for 42 years and I did not realize that you have warts, that is disgusting. I love you and I miss you and I wish that we could live closer to each other.
ReplyDeleteHa. Written like a true big brother.
ReplyDeleteAlina. I love you and I am SO proud of your amazing ability to inspire those with MS and those of us who need to understand it as well as help. I must say you bring tears to my eyes and hopes for a cure. I wish I was closer to help you and the family in your everyday life! You are my forever sister in law!!!! Please know I pray and think of you often. Love you!
ReplyDelete