Spouse as caregiver... A relationship twist

Chris and I have been married for 20 years. I was 15 when we went on our first date. In August 1995 I turned 21, and two days later I got married. I don't remember our wedding vows word for word, but I know they were pretty traditional; I'm sure they included the "in sickness and in health" line.

When we got married, we were the picture of health. We were both fit, tan, intelligent, without a care in the world. Yet we made that promise to each other. To love, honor, and support each other even in sickness. But do we have to like each other?

There should be a clause in the marriage vow, an addendum maybe? Something that warns that a life-changing chronic illness can be included in the simple word "sickness". As young twenty-somethings, did Chris and I really stop and think what sickness could include? I'm pretty sure I was meaning a bad cold, possibly the flu.

I am positive I wasn't thinking multiple sclerosis. Definitely not a multiple sclerosis that would rob me of the use of my legs and slowly take away the use of my right arm and hand. A chronic illness that leaves me, someone who has been fiercely independent her whole life, physically and emotionally dependent in a way that is humbling and, quite frankly, annoying.

But that's me. This is my body, my illness, my issue. Except for that it's not. This is an illness that affects the whole family. I have become a burden.  I looked up synonyms for burden and found: problem, obligation, worry, pill, and dead weight.  I have become dead weight.  Ha.  That one made me laugh.

Fortunately I married a man who seems to enjoy dead weight. He doesn't enjoy being a caregiver for me. We have moved into these roles reluctantly. But he does seem to like me. He will do what needs to be done. It won't be as gently as some, it may be hurried and messy, but he will do what needs to be done. Why would you do that for a person unless you liked her?  Over and over, day in and day out. I can depend on him.  And the best part? The true secret to keeping a marriage intact? He keeps me laughing the entire time he's shoving me into a car,  plopping my legs into bed, lifting me up out of a chair.  He can't help it.  He's a silly goof ball and even when I want to strangle him... he makes me laugh.

A better wedding vow would be "to love you, to try to like you, and to always make you laugh".